Managing Conflict with Care and Intention
In the realm of human interaction, conflict is unavoidable.
As leaders, however, the ways we elect to manage conflict can be the difference between collaboration or collapse. Within the WKKF Community Leadership Network with the Center for Creative Leadership, conflict is defined as “any situation in which one’s concerns, wishes or values are not in agreement with those of another person.” Unsurprisingly, the complex issues faced by children and families across the country can give rise to situations where there is disagreement.
In August, the class three fellows gathered in New Orleans, otherwise known by its Indigenous name Bulbancha, which means the city of many tongues. This was a perfect location for fellows to explore the realities of managing different perspectives and gain tools and strategies for leading through conflict effectively.
Dr. Karen Garcia of Michigan, Gina Womack of New Orleans, Paheadra Robinson of Mississippi and Darlene Gomez of New Mexico discussed how conflict arises in their work, which values they use to navigate conflict, and how the tools offered in the fellowship program have enhanced their leadership practice.
“Conflict often arises from passion.” – Dr. Karen Garcia, Michigan fellow
As a pediatrician, breastfeeding medicine specialist and advocate for health equity, Dr. Karen Garcia seeks to effect change for families of color and their experiences in health care systems. Through her work for Bronson Healthcare, as well as within her private practice at Garcia Consulting and Lactation Services, Karen prioritizes family, community and connection when faced with conflict.
“I approach conflict by taking pause and analyzing the situation from as many angles as I can. Conflict often arises from passion and big feelings, so it’s important to ask questions to understand if this conflict indicates a simple miscommunication or a deeper misalignment in values or goals.”
For Karen, seeking understanding and connection is foundational to managing conflict effectively. “We have to take care of each other in order for all of us to grow. Conflict is an opportunity to take other people’s feelings and experiences into consideration. By avoiding the projection of our feelings onto others, we can, instead, give each other the space to explain, expound and come to understanding.”
To this end, Karen credits the Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI)TM model that she learned through the fellowship to effectively manage conflict. “The SBI model is so helpful in having open conversations around conflict that point us in the direction of resolution in a way that honors connection. This is absolutely key as we face systems designed to keep us in separation.”
“We need to understand each other from a trust perspective.” – Gina Womack, New Orleans fellow
As the co-founder and executive director of Families and Friends of Incarcerated Children, Gina Womack advocates for a better life for all of Louisiana’s youth, with a particular focus on those trapped in the criminal justice system.
Gina sees conflict as a natural and unavoidable occurrence, but one that must be handled with intention and trust. “To be effective in managing conflict, it’s important to understand that conflict doesn’t always indicate negative confrontation. The most important approach is to be strategic.”
One of Gina’s central values is open-mindedness, which she sees as critical to building trust. “Being open and non-judgmental means asking the right questions and acknowledging that we all come from different backgrounds, learning styles and areas of growth. These differences can cause miscommunications that can lead to conflict, but we need to work to understand each other from a trust perspective.”
For Gina, the tools and resources offered in the fellowship program have not only equipped her to lead through conflict, they have also been a source of validation of her leadership instincts. “The Direction, Alignment and Commitment (DAC) model has been so useful; not only does it offer a framework for building trust, it is a formal way to name many of the practices we were already implementing within my team.”
“Working with my coach has also been key. Through this relationship I’m able to release the self-doubt that can often arise, and build the kind of confidence that inspires trust. Knowing that I’m leading in an identifiable and intentional way has been one of my favorite takeaways.”
“There are no permanent enemies.” – Paheadra Robinson, Mississippi fellow
Paheadra Robinson is the principal of The Bratton Group, through which she supports social justice organizations in designing, implementing and assessing their programs to ensure they are successfully and efficiently meeting community needs. Like many of her peer fellows, Paheadra works on issues where conflict is unavoidable, but compromise can be hard sought.
“I feel like a lot of the issues we are fighting are non-negotiable, and previous attempts to compromise have led to many issues being kicked down the road so long that there is very little room left for negotiation.”
“Personally, I think of myself to be relatively conflict averse, but in my professional life, because the work I do is at the intersection of race and gender in a deeply red state, I find myself in constant conflict with policies and programs that do not serve my clients and their constituents.”
However, in the fellowship program, Paheadra has gained new insight into approaches that do not violate the commitments she holds to her community, and instead open the door to fresh perspectives.
“We did an exercise called “Chatter Card,” where we had to embody assigned behaviors to find ways to effectively interact with personas we don’t understand or necessarily appreciate. Through this activity, I was able to reflect on my own unconscious behaviors – how I show up in spaces and how I’m seeing others. I do believe there are no permanent enemies; I have picked up allies in unexpected places with people I didn’t think possible. This activity and the fellowship experience overall have really shifted my thinking in terms of how to approach and negotiate these different ways of being.”
“You can read about conflict in manuals, but it doesn’t lead to real world experience.” – Darlene Gomez, New Mexico fellow
Dedicated to giving a voice to the voiceless through pro-bono legal work, Darlene Gomez has been a fierce activist for primary and secondary victims of the Murdered, Missing Indigenous, Woman and Relatives (MMIWR) crisis since 2001.
Darlene’s experiences with conflict are also complicated by the various spaces she occupies. “I have two very different feelings about conflict. I work with many law enforcement agencies on the federal, state and local levels and, in those environments, I feel it’s very easy to engage in conversations that may be perceived as conflict. However, in my private practice, conflict is much more challenging because I don’t want to hurt my team and I really value collaboration, compassion and empathy.”
For Darlene, the most profound learnings from this fellowship have come from other fellows. “It’s so important to hear other people’s stories. All the fellows deal with conflict in different ways and learning from them in real time has been invaluable. You can read about conflict in manuals, but it doesn’t lead to real-world experience.”
To bridge the gap in dealing with conflict in different environments, Darlene roots herself in her values. “If I don’t speak the truth about murdered and missing Indigenous women and relatives while showing up as my true self, then there are very few people who will have that opportunity. In my private practice, it’s about understanding power through my values around loyalty and empowerment and leading through conflict with care and intention.”