Burn Bright: Leading with Well-Being
Fellows Timolynn Sams, Turquoise Velarde, Christina Khim, Inella Ray and Marilyn Johnson at the New Mexico gathering.
Becoming a transformational leader isn’t only about developing new skills and working hard; it also requires a focus on systemic wellness—mind, body and spirit. Five powerful women leaders, all CLN class four fellows, gathered to discuss what builds and maintains their energy, what gets in the way of self-care and how prioritizing their wellness benefits not only their leadership but also their families and communities.
You can’t withdraw from an empty account
Timolynn Sams, director of external affairs for the New Orleans Parish sheriff’s office, explained the flow of human energy in simple terms: “Building energy is really about a deposit and a withdrawal. What I think we’ve done is consistently made deposits and not expected anything back. That is why we’re so depleted. We don’t expect anyone to give back to us. So, for a lot of us, our bank accounts now have insufficient funds.” Continuing the metaphor, Marilyn Johnson, deputy executive director of Mom.ME and a leader in maternal and child health from Canton, Mississippi, added, “We have to create a collective ‘we’, demanding that our energy be reinvested.” Referencing the challenges of navigating leadership as a Black woman, she tells colleagues, “I can’t be your superhero. If I don’t respond in 24 to 48 hours it’s because I need time to think and strategize. I need the same level of respect my white colleagues receive.”
Inella Ray, the director of parent advocacy and engagement at Children First in Philadelphia, shared “All I saw growing up were models of people sacrificing themselves,” observing she didn’t know what sustainability looked like. For Christina Khim, executive director of the Burma Center in Michigan, mental health, stress and self-care were all new concepts. “I never thought about self-care because I took pride in my work ethic and long hours . . . I didn’t realize how I showed up to my team or that I was dealing with chronic stress.” Turquoise Velarde, an Indigenous mother, daughter, auntie and educator working at the University of New Mexico–Taos, reminded the group of her responsibility “to remain grounded . . . to learn to fill myself and to remember I am in a body that was created just for me.”
Inella Ray interacting with another fellow at the New Mexico gathering.
Aunties in training
In considering how they maintain and grow their energy, Marilyn shared a story from the fellows’ gathering. She and a small group of fellows piled into a car one evening and drove to a local Goodwill to do some thrift shopping. The outing was filled with stories of family, laughter and delight, and the people they encountered couldn’t believe they were in their late 40s and early 50s. In the moment, they coined the term “aunties in training” because they would like to train the next generation to fill their cups the way they filled theirs together that evening. After hearing the story, Turquoise offered that it is energizing to “unapologetically be able to joke and laugh, and to be loud and proud about it.”
To grow and maintain her energy, Inella shared that she is enlivened by poetry and art, and sees “poets as the heartbeat of humanity. Poetry always brings me back to center, especially when I’m thinking about all that is going on in the world and in my micro community.” Christina, challenged by a trainer in a different program to do something she personally wanted to do rather than had to do, started buying and caring for house plants, while Timolynn, a lover of musical theater, signed up to help at her daughter’s musical theater camp. She shared that “watching young people and being part of the camp gave me a level of energy and joy I hadn’t felt in a long time.”
Timolynn Sams engaging in one of the in-person sessions in New Mexico.
Only five things
When considering what gets in the way of prioritizing self-care and wellness, Timolynn reached for the small notebook she carries everywhere. Since 2014, each day she writes down five things she’s going to accomplish. “Once those five things are done, anything that comes after those five gets moved to the next day. It takes courage to work within your own guidelines and to create guardrails. It creates a level of respect because you’re being honest.” Continuing the theme of personal guardrails, Turquoise stands firm with her work schedule. “I’ve made it very clear to my supervisor, my days won’t end at five. They might end at 6:00 because I might come in at 9:00 because that’s my life. I’m part of a family system that’s taking care of my 93-year-old grandpa and I want to show up for him. Standing in our power is not easy for women at this table.”
Marilyn shared “Most women of color don’t come from backgrounds where we can take a year off to figure out our next strategy. Some of the work I do now is stepping in for Black women executive directors so they can take a sabbatical they’d otherwise never have access to — she gets to keep her salary, keep her summer with her kids and figure out what’s next.” Christina continued on that theme: “There is so much weight on our shoulders, sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves. We deplete our energy and run on a deficit.” Inella reflected that in her work in political advocacy she is often responding to a window of opportunity which means she has “to be very creative and subversive” in challenging the expectation for rapid response.
Marilyn Johnson participating in a group session in New Mexico.
Raising the next generation
The group was reflective about how they navigate the obstacles to self-care, especially when thinking about what they are passing down to their children. Turquoise shared it is sacred work to raise Indigenous young men in a world where they lack support and have to stand up for themselves. Christina added that she works to manage her emotions so she can show up for her children, while Timolynn noted a generational shift with her 12-year-old daughter that she’s observed, who declares she has “used up eight hours of mental capacity and needs to rest.” Reflecting on her daughter’s generation, Timolynn said “They believe in rest, establishing boundaries and not being disrespected. They speak truth to power, advocating for what’s in the interests of themselves, their bodies, their minds and their spirits.”
Marilyn sees the same shift unfolding at a larger scale. Reflecting on the wave of Black women who recently left federal jobs and have gone on to build their own businesses, she reflected “They’re working together. They’re moving forward together.” For her, walking away and redirecting one’s energy into more positive efforts creates its own path to wellness.
Christina Khim (left) interacting with fellow Tammi Moe at the New Mexico gathering.
The radical act of rest
When asked about prioritizing self-care and how wellness benefits their leadership, Timolynn noted “being at this table with all women, and BIPOC women especially, means we have a cultural narrative that aligns with being a superwoman. Our capes can’t be flown to save other people until we learn how to save ourselves.” For Christina, this means taking time to rest and “not feeling guilty about taking care of my needs and myself.”
Building on the theme of self-empowerment, Inella shared that Tricia Hersey’s book Rest Is Resistance transformed her thinking. “Capitalism values productivity and urgency, and it doesn’t honor our deepest needs as human beings. There’s reclamation in reclaiming rest as a dream space, and remembering what our ancestors weren’t able to do. There’s no built-in infrastructure to support your wellness, so you have to create it yourself.”
Turquoise Velarde enjoying one of the group sessions at the New Mexico gathering.